learning one day at a time

Boundaries… December 30, 2011

Filed under: Faith,Family,Marriage — fullofhisgrace @ 9:42 pm
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1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (NKJV)

“Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its ow, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things, love never fails.

These above verses are the most popular verses in the Bible when it comes to looking at love. This is the purest kind of love there is and completely impossible without the Holy Spirit. Someone who doesn’t have Jesus is not capable of loving like this, so self-sacrificially. I think it is important to set boundaries for your marriage. Before we got married, we had lovely premarital counseling with this amazing couple and it really helped us to set up some rules for ourselves. These rules have helped us to stay happy. Here are some examples of rules that may be beneficial to your relationship.


1. Don’t spend time alone with members of the opposite sex.

2. Do not email, call, or text members of the opposite sex without your spouse being present and comfortable with it.
Especially do not email, call, or text ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. This will create tension between you and your spouse that can easily be avoided. When you get married you forsake all others! It is not okay to continue like you would if you were single.

Genesis 2:21-24 (NKJV)

“And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said:
‘This is now bone of my bones,
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man.’
 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
and they shall become one flesh.”

3. If something makes one of you uncomfortable then it makes both of you uncomfortable. You are no longer yourself, you are two joined into one. This makes you sensitive to the other person and you surely do not want to hurt them. When you hurt your spouse you are hurting yourself. The Bible also says that if you have doubts about something, it is wrong. We should do all things in faith or it is in sin

Romans 14:23 (NKJV)

“But he who doubts is condemned if he eats, because he does not eat from faith; for whatever is not from faith is sin.” 

4. Never put yourself in a compromising situation.
For instance, if your husband is home by himself and a woman comes to the door, he should answer it, but should talk to her outside unless it is a close family member of course. It would create a compromising situation for him to be alone in the house with someone. If someone becomes offended it is okay to let them know why you are not letting them in the house. Most people will really respect this rule and admire you for protecting your marriage this way. This is how rumors are started and it can be harmful to your marriage to put yourself in situations where these can develop.
5. God is first.
Putting God first is the most important rule to have. God is meant to be the center of your life and if your marriage is composed of three, God, husband, wife, then it will succeed. God created marriage and he should be involved! Read the Word together, pray, talk, study, learn, daily! You should be focusing on God daily, not just once a week. It is important to be strong spiritually and to do this together!  It helps to find a good devotional like Nightlight by Dr. James Dobson, and read every night before bed, or every morning at breakfast. Make time with God a routine!
6. Be open and honest: No secrets.
It is important to be open and honest with your spouse. Secrets always come out anyways and it is better to let them know before they find out something the hard way. You should feel comfortable enough with your spouse to be open with them about anything and everything. If you are having a problem with something, even being tempted, tell your spouse and pray through it together. It is your spouses job to help protect you. Let them!
Luke 16:10 (NKJV)
“He who is faithful in what is least is faithful also in much: and he who is unjust in what is least is unjust also in much.”
Proverbs 11:3 (NKJV)
“The integrity of the upright will guide them, But the perversity of the unfaithful will destroy them.” 
7. Don’t go without him/her.
Make it a point not to attend dances or go to bars (we go to bars sometimes to line dance) alone. Temptation  seems to be rampant here, and it is not a good idea to go without your spouse, nope, not even with friends. Don’t dance with anyone over age ten or with anyone who is under the age of your grandparents, unless they are sisters or brothers…
These are just some practical guidelines that are helpful for setting boundaries. I am sure there are many I didn’t address here, but every couple’s guidelines are different I am sure. It is important to look at what God intended for marriage and then put guidelines in place to help protect your marriage covenant. Marriage is a sacred thing, created by God to be lifelong and pure. Marriages are in danger of so many things there is so much out there like pornography and immodest clothing and other temptations. It is important to be a protector of your spouse! I hope this post has not offended anyone as that is not my intent. I just hope to emphasize the sacredness of marriage and how important it is to keep it that way!
Blessings In Christ,