learning one day at a time

Fighting Fairly In The Marriage Relationship….part 4 March 10, 2012

I think it is unrealistic to assume you will never get into an argument with your spouse, or that you will never disagree over something important. Arguing is healthy if it is done right. It is important to discuss issues and it is okay to disagree with each other, but it is all in how you handle the argument. Fighting fair is essential in keeping your marriage together. Here are some rules to go by for fighting fairly with your spouse.

1. Focus on the present problem.

This is harder than it seems sometimes. When you are arguing with your spouse it is so important to focus on the present. Bringing up past mistakes will not benefit anyone. It will only escalate the problem. Also, bringing up the past means you are still dwelling in it. When you have hashed out your problem you should forgive one another and not use it as a weapon in your next argument.

2. Don’t use destructive or critical words.

Our words are meant to build one another up, not tear each other down. When you are arguing it is important not to use an accusatory tone or to demean your husband or wife. When you argue it should not be an attack on your spouse’s character. An argument should never become verbally abusive, or physically. I am sure that everyone knows it is never acceptable to bring physical harm to your spouse. If you are in that sort of a situation, seek help immediately!

Also, on a side note, do not give your spouse the silent treatment. This is one of the most juvenile things ever. It does not show maturity on your part to refuse to speak to your spouse. Be willing to talk and get your feelings out there…


3. Be willing to take responsibility.

If you have done something hurtful to your spouse, own up to it! There is nothing more irritating than having your feelings discounted or written off. Imagine that you are in their shoes. How would you want them to handle the situation if your roles were reversed? It is a good idea to consider your spouse and how they may be feeling. Focusing just on yourself is selfish and does not show a sacrificial love for your husband or wife. Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes shows empathy and your marriage will benefit from it greatly.


Listen to what your spouse has to say and take it to heart. They are not telling you just to hear themselves talk. They are striving to better the relationship by solving the problems that have created tension within your marriage. If you are not going to listen to what they have to say and strive to change, your marriage is not going to be a happy one.

5. No distractions.

When you talk things out there should be no distractions. You should focus on one another and give your full attention. Your marriage should be the second most important thing in your life (God comes first), and you should be doing everything within your power to make amends when something goes amiss. If you are texting, or watching television instead of actively working to solve your issues, then nothing good is being done.

6. Fight Naked

Haha just kidding! This was some marital advice from my cousin at my bridal shower. :) Apparently it is hard to stay angry when you are naked.

There is so so much more I could add to this list about fighting fair, but I think you can figure out the rest on your own. This should give you a good start.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 8 Love never fails.

Ephesians 4:26

“In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”

1 Corinthians 7:3-5

“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”

Proverbs 18:2

“Fools find no pleasure in understanding
but delight in airing their own opinions.”

Matthew 6:14-15

 “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

To check out some more marital advice, visit here, here, and here


Please bless the marriage of anyone who reads this blog. Help them to build the 
foundation of their lives, of their marriage on You. Give them love for one another
and joy that runs over. Thank you for the divine institution of marriage
and for giving us a glimpse of the heavenly relationship between Christ and
the church. Help each of us to recognize that we are sinners and nothing in our
lives, including our marriages will succeed without Your guiding hand.

In Your Precious Name,

Blessings In Christ,

Related Articles:

24 Guidelines For Fighting Fair In Marriage 

Fight Fair In Marriage

Learn To Fight Fair- Christian Video

Fighting Fair


Take Time To Be Holy… February 2, 2012

Filed under: Faith,Family,Marriage,Ministry — fullofhisgrace @ 1:52 pm
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I’ve been sitting here watching the sun fill the sky with light, chasing away the dark shadows, and I am overwhelmed with the splendor of it. The beauty of this earth the Father has created and all that creation praising him in the early morning light. I am reminded to be thankful, to count the blessings he bestows and to pray. Prayer is how we experience deep communion with the Creator and I don’t want to miss out.

Mark 1:35

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark,

Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place,

where he prayed.

Communion is more than just partaking of the Lord’s Supper at church. It is “an act or instance of sharing; intimate fellowship or rapport- communication.” I want to have this deep intimacy with God. It is something my heart yearns for, and hopefully yours does too. Jesus often went off to the lonely places to pray, early, even before dawn. He knew communion with the Father. It is necessary for us to spend quality time with the Lord, to set aside time for him. Stop the clock for him. Don’t just give him the few minutes you have here and there, give the other things in the day the few minutes, and really make time for the Lord. I know I am guilty of praying just every once in awhile throughout the day while I’m up to my ears in laundry or working on homework, and not stopping my clock for him.

Make time for the Lord, and he will return that time back to you. You have nothing to lose by stopping the movements and praying, praising, or meditating on the Word. Your life will be fuller, your cup will begin overflowing and you will know abundant joy. Jesus came that we would have life more abundantly. He acts as intercessor to the Father and allows that communion. He is speaking to the Father on your behalf. We pray in the name of Jesus, the spotless lamb and the Father hears. 

Stop your clock today, at least once and experience the peace that transcends understanding. Let the Father fill you up with his love and goodness. Let him use that time to transform your heart and renew your mind. Meditate on all things holy and experience the wonder of communion. Let me know how your journey to communion is coming along. I would love to encourage you, just leave a comment…

Take time to be holy, speak oft with thy Lord;
Abide in Him always, and feed on His Word.
Make friends of God’s children, help those who are weak,
Forgetting in nothing His blessing to seek.

Take time to be holy, the world rushes on;
Spend much time in secret, with Jesus alone.
By looking to Jesus, like Him thou shalt be;
Thy friends in thy conduct His likeness shall see.

Take time to be holy, let Him be thy Guide;
And run not before Him, whatever betide.
In joy or in sorrow, still follow the Lord,
And, looking to Jesus, still trust in His Word.

Take time to be holy, be calm in thy soul,
Each thought and each motive beneath His control.
Thus led by His Spirit to fountains of love,
Thou soon shalt be fitted for service above.

-William Longstaff

Blessings In Christ,


Whatever Things Are… January 6, 2012

Filed under: Faith,Ministry — fullofhisgrace @ 5:03 pm
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Philippians 4:8 (NKJV)

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
So often it is easy to meditate on things that are not true, noble, just, pure, lovely, good, virtuous, or praiseworthy. We live in a fallen world and it is easy to get caught up in the things that are bad. Our thoughts should be above the things of this world and we should be impressing the Word of God onto our hearts. We need to avoid things that don’t fit the aforementioned verses. Staying away from things that are not pure and lovely is a wonderful way to keep them from tainting the mind and the heart. If we don’t know about them, we can’t dwell on them. I am not suggesting that we live with our heads buried in the sand, rather don’t choose to do something that would involve worldly influences. For instance, listening to that gossiping, or spreading the rumor yourself. Gossip won’t be there if you don’t listen to it. Watching movies and reading books that are filled with nudity, etc is also allowing things that aren’t praiseworthy to slip into your mind and heart. These things to impact us, whether we want to believe it or not. Spending hours with people who use dirty language begins to rub off on you. Even if you aren’t using the words they are doesn’t mean you aren’t thinking them. The Bible teaches that God knows our every thought, so thinking something is as bad as doing it. We are to take every single thought captive…
2 Corinthians 10:5 (NKJV)

5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,

I challenge you today to take every thought captive and replace the bad things of this world with the words of the Lord. Write them on your heart and avoid the impure, unholy mess that many of us find ourselves in. We all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, yet He forgives us daily. Avoiding sin is impossible, it takes a perfect person, Jesus. We are to become more Christ-like, we will fail, but at least we are striving to be what God wants. So, take captive those evil thoughts and impress the Word of God.

Read it, hear it, speak it, pray it.


Blessings In Christ,


Motherhood December 20, 2011

Filed under: Faith,Family,Marriage,Ministry — fullofhisgrace @ 4:15 pm
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I have recently begun researching God’s calling of women throughout the Bible….there are so many verses to draw from that this study could take months or more! I ordered a book from this amazing organization Above Rubies called Be Fruitful & Multiply by Nancy Campbell. In this book, she walks through the Bible and shows God’s command for marriage, godly seed. This book is so enlightening that I have begun a sort of journal while I read it. I never realized just how emphasized the command to “be fruitful and multiply” is throughout the Bible!

Genesis 9:1 (KJV)

And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.

Genesis 9:7 (KJV)

And you, be ye fruitful, and multiply; bring forth abundantly in the earth and multiply therein.

Genesis 35:11 (KJV)

And God said unto him, I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins;

These are just a few instances in the scriptures where God emphasizes the importance of reproduction. He also shows that great blessings come from children. Isn’t it wonderful that when we follow God’s commands he blesses us beyond measure?! God has been revealing to me my calling in life as a woman, and I am learning that one of the largest parts of his calling for my life is motherhood.

During this Christmas season, I think of Mary as a mother. The mother of Christ
Mary had the highest calling as a woman. She a mere human was the mother of a perfect child. She never had to worry about Jesus getting into trouble or going spiritually astray. I do think that having a perfect child would be a challenge though. Mary being imperfect would be constantly confronted with her shortcomings as a sinful person. I cannot imagine how privileged and challenged Mary felt as the mother of Christ, but I know she was blessed beyond belief and that Jesus was not the only child she had …

Matthew 13:55 (KJV)

Is not this the carpenter’s son? is not his mother called Mary? and his brethren, James, and Joses, and Simon, and Judas?

Mary had many children, she knew the calling of God and lived a fruitful life. The fruit of her womb was blessed!
I love thinking about how the mother of Christ must have felt and how God has given the gift of children to all women!

Blessings In Christ,



Submission In Marriage December 19, 2011

Filed under: Faith,Family,Marriage,Ministry — fullofhisgrace @ 5:21 pm
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The Bible commands wives to submit to their husbands….

Ephesians 5:21-32 (KJV)

21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

22Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.

24Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

26That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

27That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

29For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

30For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

31For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

I think submission is hard for many women. According to the dictionary, submission is…

sub·mis·sion  (sb-mshn)



a. The act of submitting to the power of another: “Oppression that cannot be overcome does not give rise to revolt but to submission” (Simone Weil).
b. The state of having submitted.
2. The state of being submissive or compliant; meekness
Many women today do not view themselves as meek. Women in today’s society have taken on a much more aggressive role. Women are in business and some women are even working while their husband stays home to be the nurturer. These different lifestyles do not put women in meek positions.
Submission to one’s husband is not something to be feared or even dreaded. Husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loves the church. Husbands who love their wives self-sacrificially will want to do what is best for their families and will respectfully listen to the opinions of their spouse.
I do not believe that husbands should belittle their wives or make them feel lesser, but that they should carefully weigh their opinions and then make a decision that is in line with God’s will for their family. It is my job to follow my husband…he is the head of our household. That does not mean I have to follow him into something that disturbs my spirit, or that makes me uncomfortable. Marriage is the joining of souls, bodies, minds, hearts….when something hurts me, makes me uncomfortable or upsets me, it upsets my husband. This is how God intended marriage….”the two shall become one” (Matthew 19:4-6).
Our Wedding 6.19.10
Marriage on earth is meant to be a reflection of Christ and the church (believers). Christian couples have an example to uphold for the world. If marriage is a reflection of Christ’s love of the church, then it should be Christ-like. Marriage is a ministry…a living ministry. Husbands have a tall order to fill. They are responsible for their families, for providing, and for their spiritual growth as well. Submissive wives are the most helpful to their husbands in fulfilling their calling from God to their families.
I am not always wonderful at being submissive to my husband…I argue and get angry even though I know he is doing what is best for us. It is hard to leave decision making up to him, but I am learning that if I spend time praying about the situation and if I am praying for God to give him wisdom in the matter that being submissive isn’t as difficult as I once thought. I am happy to let my husband be the leader in our home…it is what he was designed to do.
I hope this post has encouraged some wives out there to really let their husbands be the leader in the home, or perhaps encouraged some husbands to be understanding of their wives.
Blessings In Christ,